Ankur Sethi - VIBES OF LIFE

There are many, I am sure, Ankur. One philosophical orientation - there is really no end to enhancing one's emotional capability (EQ is but a measure of this). One way that I have gone through and would recommend is to enrol into "personal growth" labs of the type that Sumedhas (www.sumedhas.org) offers from time to time.

kartik

Hi Ankur,

In my opinion, being aware of the impact of your what you say and do on others is one of the ways of enhancing your EQ. I say this from personal experience. Another important thing is to be 100% present with the person/people you are interacting with; this will help you pick up/absorb all their non-verbal cues as well. Besides this, being a good listener and training oneself to be empathetic also helps.

You may also want to try the Human Process Labs conducted by ISABS.

Cheers! Meenakshi.

Links:
http://www.isabs.org

Ankur -

I agree; situations are the outcome of interactions, positive and negative.

Personal awareness labs/seminars/reading/examination provide the means by which to learn how to interpret others; you have to provide or develop the right mental breeding ground.

In any given interaction there are an infinite number of ways one could interpret the specifics of communication. Ergo, the first rule of positive interactions in any space is to hold an underlying presumption that the intent of any/all involved is positive.

This automatically places you in a mode of empathetic listening/ understanding/relating; i.e. you are able to focus more on what is being communicated, rather than how it is being communicated. Words, body language, setting should be of less importance when in "receiver" mode.

In "sender" mode however, become more aware of those very things... promote your interactions in a positive manner. Pay attention to body language, vocal tone, writing style, et. al.; yours and those with whom you are interacting. Pick up on the reactions to you, and incorporate them into the interaction as it continues.

Improving your IQ is just a matter of using more from your brain than you naturally are using (see 'a piece of mind - Sandy McGregor).
I'd assume that this counts for EQ too, if you're focusing on learning the right stuff.
Reading and understanding body language, for example...

Gardner's concept of EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is a theory that speaks to an individuals ability to communicate, interact and work with others. People who are believed to have high EQ are likely to be geared towards professions and jobs where they have a lot of either intense individual interaction or work within groups. People with lower EQ tend to gear themselves towards jobs that involve limited exposure to others. When person doesn't fit profession there is often a desire to change either or both. This may not be necessary as one can learn to increase EQ.

While you're breaking up of EQ into the three domains makes cognitive sense, a person with high EQ would be able to function well in each situation, a person with low EQ would have difficulty in each situation. At least from the EQ theoretical perspective, the situation doesn't have to matter as muc has the individuals ability to handle/experess themselves in the present moment.

Evidence has shown that the development of EQ is tied to an individuals ability to understand and be comfortable with their own emotions and level of empathy. The more one can do to understand and be comfortable with the expression of emotion, the greater ones ability is to understand the emotion seen in others. Additionally, as in anything, practicing EQ in increasing levels can result in more EQ over time.

In order to increase EQ then, a number of basic behavioral exercises can be engaged in that will likely result in an increase.

1) Increase the number of situations where you are exposed to the emotions, ideas and opinions of others. For somebody stuck behind a computer all day this may seem threatening, but a group such as toastmasters or engaging in some sort of team/group exercise can prove to be beneficial.

2) Practice introspection. Something like mindfulness based meditation can go a long way towards helping one understand the sensations, emotions and thoughts they may be experiencing at any given point in time.

3) Put yourself in uncommon situations (the "Do Something Different" model). Engage in experiences that you find personally challenging and try to do things that are not normally in your character. All the while note the the changes in emotions that you experience.

4) Share what you're trying to do with others. Letting others know that you're trying to increase your EQ will let them help you out in your endeavors.

5) Finally, for some people, the lack of EQ is grounded in experiences or anxieties/fears. If you find that you are unable to engage in situations or desired behaviors like you would like to, don't be afraid to discuss this with a professional. Psychologists are great, but we're not the only people trained to help people work past/with anxieties.

Ankur

There are a few things that I recommend to enhance emotional intelligence when coaching others. My focus is primarily on improving self management and awareness of interactions with others so this advice is on point with your question.

On interacting with others

1. I recommend that you find someone who can provide trusted candid feedback. There is no better way to gain an understanding of how you interact with others than to get a trusted external perspective.

2. I recommend that you pay attention to body language. Take an introductory course in Neuro Linguistic Programming, or read a book on the subject so you can be more aware of others reactions and their potential meaning. Then, with those you have a good working relationship with, when you see an unfamiliar physical reaction stop. Consider what you have just said. Did you say something that could have been misinterpreted, something insensitive, something callous? If so apologize. I am sorry that did not come out right what I meant was...
3. Ask people you know to be more emotionally intelligent for feedback and help in understanding others reactions.
4. Lead a volunteer group and pay attention to how group members react to your behaviors. They best part of volunteers is they can vote with their feet. They are not paid to be there or to follow you. You have to learn how to lead in a way that meets their needs of a leader or they will leave. This is a great arena to hone your skills.

Self Management

The most important aspect of self management is to be aware of your own behaviors in the moment. Pay attention to your own emotions, learn to recognize hte signs of an appraoching emotional state and what triggers it. For instance when I am about to get angry I can feel my head getting warmer as the blood rushes to my brain. When I sense this coming I look for the trigger and then force myself to breathe. Breathing gives me a moment to think and gain control of myself before an unwanted reflexive reaction can take over

The other practice I recommend is to play back your interactions with others paying attention to how you behaved and how you felt. Again the intent here is to inderstand your normal reaction patterns and see the signs of their approach. I then ask what could I have done differently in that situation that would have achieved a diferent better outcome.

Ron H
www.materialleadership.blogspot.com

Although I had attended some workshops and training sessions targeted at increasing the EQ of the attendees, I would say nothing is a better substitute to self-learning where developing EQ is concerned. There are some learnings I have had which I had put to use and found great results.

The first one is the age old saying - Look before you leap. EQ is all about responding to situations rather than reacting. Since childhood, we might have convinced ourselves that our instincts define our personality. But at certain junctures in your life, complex situations arise where you have to look at the situation from a fresh perspective and take cautious steps to carry yourself through. So rather than jumping to conclusions about others, it is always better to give yourself some time to think.

Another learning I had was - be present in a moment and think on your feet. Most of the times, we prefer to act in a way we might have acted previously that might have worked for us. For example, most of the fresh graduates beginning their careers would always tell themselves how they handled pressure while studying and try to apply the same learnings at work which might backfire. A thinking person who is present in the moment would identify the situation as an entirely differnet one and learn and act accordingly.